Andalucid Lite(r)

No solid food, no booze, no caffeine.  No TV.  No makeup.  I didn't even brush my hair once.  I just got back from a week's yoga detox retreat at lovely Kaliyoga near Orgiva, and I can't remember the last time I was so happy.

That's not to say it wasn't challenging.  Last time I was at Kaliyoga, in 2005, I did the yummy yoga retreat for people who eat - three delicious, healthy, colourful Al-Andalus meals to look forward to every day. Then, anticipation helped me flow through morning and evening yoga like a young gazelle.

But last week, mealtimes were more like the Japanese shock-TV series 'Endurance'. 

First there was a glass of gluey glop, fibre and suchlike, into which we mixed a few drops of cider vinegar in a vain attempt to make it edible. I can't really talk about it yet. Next, a cup of barley grass water, which looks and tastes like it sounds. The third course, a delightful linseed smoothie made from....linseed.  Our reward was a freshly pulverized fruit and veg juice, a different blend every meal, dancing with garlic, ginger, bright green and citrus flavours.   

In the evening, we gathered around the big table on the terrace for our vegetable gruel, literally the stock from a big vat of cooked organic veg.  With a sprinkle of paprika, a squeeze of lemon and dollops of olive oil, it was a feast.  Still, I think I was the first of the group to break - by the third day I was hallucinating, identifying exciting wisps of escaped vegetable in my soup bowl. On the last afternoon, we were served a salad with alfalfa sprouts, freshly picked organic leaves, carrots and lots else - it was like tasting everything for the first time in my life.

In between meal ordeals, we cleansed our colons, had morning coffee (enemas), and sessions with various therapists - a homeopath, a nutritionist, a kinesiologist, acupuncturist and others. The schedule is cleverly designed so that you are always just on your way to or from an appointment, massage or yoga, like a White Rabbit in sports gear.  I know I didn't have time for any cravings.  In fact I was relieved to be in a food-free zone, not having to make the closely reasoned choices that usually lead me, with flawless logic, to the bag of Maltesers or Doritos.

What I loved about Kaliyoga was the laid-back, houseparty feeling, the lovely staff and most of all, Rosie and Jonathon Miles, who put so much time and behind-the-scenes effort into creating a relaxed atmosphere where I could sit and chat, read, write, sleep, do yoga and just reflect on my life. 

Rosie and Jonathon, who run the detox weeks in spring and autumn, say the process is life-changing.  I have to agree:  I lost 8lbs and kicked caffeine, wheat, sugar - most things really - all in one go.  A week later, I've managed to stay off the junk food, eating more green leaves than ten White Rabbits.  This is mostly thanks to Fred, who devised a weightless, wheatless, meatless menu that kept me on the path of rightjuiceness until normal eating could be resumed.

I think there are still a couple of spaces left on the next yoga detox retreat, which runs from 11th to 18th of May, so check out the Kaliyoga website and come on down!

Comments

[Dave]

That sounds like a wonderful few days, Arpi.

Luckily, the way you manage to describe everything I feel as if I've been there and done it all with you... and so I've got the benefits without the work (almost).

Thanks for sharing it with us.